Hello! I hope you are having a great day :)
So something really strange happened to me earlier. On my way back from the post office (exciting life I lead), I was stopped by a guy.
'Hey, I just saw you walking down the street. I am looking for a wife and you have potential. What's your name?'
I was so shocked and immediately embarrassed that I didn't say anything and desperately tried to find a way to escape without being too rude.
'Oh okay. Erm I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend.' (I really hoped he would leave me alone if I said that, and I mean - you would think that he would?!)
'That's okay! I can pretend to be your gay best friend.'
It was at this point that I started to feel very uncomfortable. 'No.'
'How old are you? And how old do you think I am?'
'Ehh I don't know. Sorry I have to go now.'
And then I left. He started yelling 'Stop! Wait!' but I didn't turn around and just continued walking.
Thing is that I have absolutely no idea how to react in these kind of situations. If a guy came up to me and said 'hello' and wanted to start a conversation in a friendly, non-intense kind of way, I really wouldn't mind. I would feel very flattered. But this was just a bit too intense from the start - Why would you approach a girl saying that you are looking for a wife? Isn't that a step too far?
Also, how strange for anyone to just assume that a girl would like being told that she has 'potential' to become his wife??
I honestly felt like I had entered some kind of casting. No thanks.
Is there a 'right' way to react instead of being all confused and embarrassed like me? It was such an awkward and surreal experience and I still don't know how I should feel about it.
Let me know what you think. xx
Wednesday 18 March 2015
Tuesday 17 March 2015
Unhealthy Friendships
Hello everyone, I hope you're doing well :)
This time last year I spent most of my time hanging out with a group of people who I considered my friends. We met at university, did the same course, lived in the same uni accommodation and, so I thought, had loads in common. I thought I was happy. In hindsight, I really don't think I was: I was so convinced that such a group of friends should really be all I wanted, so surely that meant that I was happy..?
Deep down, I probably realised that I was trying very hard to fit in by pretending that I was someone I wasn't. I went out with them and ignored the fact that I wasn't really enjoying myself. I told myself that this was fun, because…why shouldn't it be?
I stayed up late, chatting about all sorts of things that I can't even remember because I just had no interest in them. Even when I was enjoying myself, I was restless, constantly worried that I would say or do something wrong, that I would lose them if I said that I didn't want to go out.
It's very hard to describe how I felt around them because I certainly wasn't unhappy as such. Maybe the best word for it is 'numb': I talked about things that I didn't really care about and ignored what I did care about. I went along with being friends with them, doing the things friends do, baking, shopping, watching films, going out. But I never felt like I was understood. I never felt like I could be completely myself and I certainly never felt like they inspired me to be a better version of myself. I felt accepted, but not for being a very interesting me, but for being a me that I thought they wanted to have as a friend.
To say it again, at the time I thought I was happy, because I had interpreted how I was feeling around them as happiness. As incoherent as this sounds, I was somewhat happy with actually being unhappy. After a whole year of university, things started to change. Things happened which changed my whole perception of my 'friends' resulting in me completely distancing myself from them.
I thought I would miss being part of this group. I thought I would be very lonely and completely unhappy. In fact, I was so scared when I had to go into a lecture and didn't know who I was going to sit next to because I all of a sudden realised that I hadn't really made an effort to make any friends outside that group.
Luckily, I didn't end up sitting by myself in a corner, crying because no one wanted to talk to me. The opposite happened: People who I had briefly spoken to the year before started to approach me and just said 'hello' and asked how I was doing. Faster than I could have imagined, I was having conversations with people who I felt happy around and where I could be myself. For the first time in over a year, I didn't feel like I had to pretend.
This was last September. Since then, I have made new friends who I can be completely honest around. I am no longer tagging along, dealing with not being happy because that's what I thought I should do. I do what I want to do. I have conversations with people who like me for who I am, who like me even if I openly admit that I'd rather stay in and eat popcorn than go out and drink.
That group of 'friends' I had was, to me, the prime example of an unhealthy friendship. It didn't do me any good and it's only now that I truly appreciate how much better I feel without them, how much more 'me' I can be without worrying about not fitting in.
Whoever is reading this, think about the friendships you have. Listen to yourself. If you are only keeping them going because you feel like you should do that, then think again. And most generally, don't ever just stick with something because you feel obliged to.
It will make you feel numb.
xx
This time last year I spent most of my time hanging out with a group of people who I considered my friends. We met at university, did the same course, lived in the same uni accommodation and, so I thought, had loads in common. I thought I was happy. In hindsight, I really don't think I was: I was so convinced that such a group of friends should really be all I wanted, so surely that meant that I was happy..?
Deep down, I probably realised that I was trying very hard to fit in by pretending that I was someone I wasn't. I went out with them and ignored the fact that I wasn't really enjoying myself. I told myself that this was fun, because…why shouldn't it be?
I stayed up late, chatting about all sorts of things that I can't even remember because I just had no interest in them. Even when I was enjoying myself, I was restless, constantly worried that I would say or do something wrong, that I would lose them if I said that I didn't want to go out.
It's very hard to describe how I felt around them because I certainly wasn't unhappy as such. Maybe the best word for it is 'numb': I talked about things that I didn't really care about and ignored what I did care about. I went along with being friends with them, doing the things friends do, baking, shopping, watching films, going out. But I never felt like I was understood. I never felt like I could be completely myself and I certainly never felt like they inspired me to be a better version of myself. I felt accepted, but not for being a very interesting me, but for being a me that I thought they wanted to have as a friend.
To say it again, at the time I thought I was happy, because I had interpreted how I was feeling around them as happiness. As incoherent as this sounds, I was somewhat happy with actually being unhappy. After a whole year of university, things started to change. Things happened which changed my whole perception of my 'friends' resulting in me completely distancing myself from them.
I thought I would miss being part of this group. I thought I would be very lonely and completely unhappy. In fact, I was so scared when I had to go into a lecture and didn't know who I was going to sit next to because I all of a sudden realised that I hadn't really made an effort to make any friends outside that group.
Luckily, I didn't end up sitting by myself in a corner, crying because no one wanted to talk to me. The opposite happened: People who I had briefly spoken to the year before started to approach me and just said 'hello' and asked how I was doing. Faster than I could have imagined, I was having conversations with people who I felt happy around and where I could be myself. For the first time in over a year, I didn't feel like I had to pretend.
This was last September. Since then, I have made new friends who I can be completely honest around. I am no longer tagging along, dealing with not being happy because that's what I thought I should do. I do what I want to do. I have conversations with people who like me for who I am, who like me even if I openly admit that I'd rather stay in and eat popcorn than go out and drink.
That group of 'friends' I had was, to me, the prime example of an unhealthy friendship. It didn't do me any good and it's only now that I truly appreciate how much better I feel without them, how much more 'me' I can be without worrying about not fitting in.
Whoever is reading this, think about the friendships you have. Listen to yourself. If you are only keeping them going because you feel like you should do that, then think again. And most generally, don't ever just stick with something because you feel obliged to.
It will make you feel numb.
xx
Wednesday 4 March 2015
#DearMe - as inspired by 'The Smart Culture'
This post is inspired by 'The Smart Culture' .
Her post really made me think and made me want to share my own version.
Dear little me,
How is secondary school going?
Alright?
"Kind of?"
I see.
You hate P.E. because you are very bad at it and are always one of the last to be elected into the teams, which upsets you.
You don't want others to think that you are uncool for actually quite enjoying your English and Biology lessons. You want to be cool. So you hide how much you love reading and writing.
This is because those popular kids don't like school. They intimidate you, but secretly, you want to be like them. You are afraid that they find you lame and will start saying mean things behind your back. Or your face, actually. One of them said that he found your new haircut ugly. He also pointed out the spot you desperately tried to cover up fiddling with your mum's concealer for absolute ages.
Hey, look.
Some people will not like you. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. No matter how nice you are to them, they will still not like you. Some will say mean things. Some will laugh.
You don't need those kind of people. Stay away from them. I know that this will sound crazy to you, but they might not necessarily be very happy, just because they are 'popular'.
But you know what? You will be happy.
Being ambitious and imaginative isn't a bad thing at all. In fact, people will find that, alongside the fact that you are friendly, fascinating about you.
Stop trying to be someone who you are not. You aren't very rebellious, nor do you particularly enjoy lying or breaking rules. You still won't do in your second year of university. To be honest, you probably never will. Again, this doesn't make you boring.
You will, and I know that you cannot imagine that right now, be told that you are pretty. You will even be asked out on dates. You will receive nice compliments that you will treasure and smile about.
You will be okay, little me. Life will not always be easy in the next few years, but your journey has only just begun.
Before you ask - no, you won't have met your soulmate by the time you are in your second year of university. You won't have planned your wedding.
But guess what.
You will still have your dreams.
Love,
You.
Her post really made me think and made me want to share my own version.
Dear little me,
How is secondary school going?
Alright?
"Kind of?"
I see.
You hate P.E. because you are very bad at it and are always one of the last to be elected into the teams, which upsets you.
You don't want others to think that you are uncool for actually quite enjoying your English and Biology lessons. You want to be cool. So you hide how much you love reading and writing.
This is because those popular kids don't like school. They intimidate you, but secretly, you want to be like them. You are afraid that they find you lame and will start saying mean things behind your back. Or your face, actually. One of them said that he found your new haircut ugly. He also pointed out the spot you desperately tried to cover up fiddling with your mum's concealer for absolute ages.
Hey, look.
Some people will not like you. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. No matter how nice you are to them, they will still not like you. Some will say mean things. Some will laugh.
You don't need those kind of people. Stay away from them. I know that this will sound crazy to you, but they might not necessarily be very happy, just because they are 'popular'.
But you know what? You will be happy.
Being ambitious and imaginative isn't a bad thing at all. In fact, people will find that, alongside the fact that you are friendly, fascinating about you.
Stop trying to be someone who you are not. You aren't very rebellious, nor do you particularly enjoy lying or breaking rules. You still won't do in your second year of university. To be honest, you probably never will. Again, this doesn't make you boring.
You will, and I know that you cannot imagine that right now, be told that you are pretty. You will even be asked out on dates. You will receive nice compliments that you will treasure and smile about.
You will be okay, little me. Life will not always be easy in the next few years, but your journey has only just begun.
Before you ask - no, you won't have met your soulmate by the time you are in your second year of university. You won't have planned your wedding.
But guess what.
You will still have your dreams.
Love,
You.
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